Ann's Abode

who can keep all my favorite snapshots

who i can blab my heart out to, until i post it out here

who can remember everything i need to remember

who can utter my thoughts to all those who matter

who can sing to me, sensing my mood

But, then why does it still feel so bad,

as if i am being so insensitive...
as if i am not mourning the loss of my dearly-beloved-one-for-the-past-2-years (my longest such association, am i imagining it or is its metallic substitute for a heart bleeding for me too?)...

as if i am sleeping with the enemy...

I was ready to settle for a lesser substitute you know, but my mum's apparently way too generous :(

I did go to the police station today with the mother for her work.

The place stinks so much, has gruesome photos of mutilated beings, cobwebs all over the dusty registers, lazy policemen who avoid you till their lack-of-dignity allows them to, patchy walkies saying something undecipherable.

So, for obvious reasons, i dropped the idea-i-had-at-the-back-of-the-head.
They failed the test.
I didn't report the loss.

This one's actually better - lighter, sleeker and has all the frills that i would have missed so much.
Not difficult to get used to actually ;)

I'll be okay, dear friends, but pray, just pray that whoever got their filthy hands on it lives a miserable life, dies a terrible death and suffers in hell for all eternity...

Thank you so very much!

What i do believe in though, is altering the 'twist of fate' into an event that had to occur, find meaning in the loss of time/money/energy/anything that one's too attached to...

Yes, i am trying to come to grips with one such loss, i used to pride myself on being not as dependent on it, as my contemporaries are, but now i guess i was in denial...

Why won't i depend on someone...

who can keep all my favourite snapshots

who i can blab my heart out to, until i post it out here

who can remember everything i need to remember

who can utter my thoughts to all those who matter

who can sing to me, sensing my mood

Its true, i have lost my cellphone and i don't know how to even begin dealing with it.

i tell myself, its better that its gone because...

who needs snapshots to record every other occurence?

when did i really make time and sit down to transfer all the thoughts from the phone to my online dwelling?

the right music is therapheutic, but was also non-existent when required, even having em assorted playlists for all kind of moods weren't all that helpful

Simplistically speaking, the question is -> Can i really live with a phone minus the frills?

i can live without the smapshots, that exposes not only me, but all the other wonderful people recorded on my fone, to malicious intent, when in hands of one without scruples...

i can live without the music, which more often than not, was just noise because it was unable to keep in pace with my change of moods, mostly useful in just shutting out even more undesirabe noise and thoughts-without-immediate-solutions...

i probably can and losing it won't hurt so bad either... i know i will lose the phone i am about to buy too, this isn't pessimism either, its just a cold, hard fact, coming from someone whose just lost her fourth fone...

What i certainly cannot live without is my personal diary, that i could always clutch within my palm...

This is in memory of you, my darling phone...