The Psycho Diaries!

4:16 AM | Labels:

i just read I think, I dream, I wonder and therefore I am... and i am SHOCKED...

Being that depressed is all rite... but what i cannot stand is that i was absolutely certain that i would lose the phone i was going to buy! ! !

and guess what?

I DID... within just 4 months!
(i guess i was too ashamed of myself to blog about that)

i have moved on henceforth, but the newer, wiser me doesn't think that she'll lose this one till it completes 2 yrs in her possession...

She bought it on Dec 1 and has just completed its 2 month anniversary!

Yes, it is imperative to recognize that so as to remind the bozo in her that its just been 2 months, and she can't get careless yet, cos there's a good 1 yr and 10 months to go!!!

By the way, i loove The Apple ipad tablet.I am totally eyeing it, Can you blame me?

The plotting & planning to obtain it has officially begun...

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You must fall in love 3 times

11:38 PM | Labels:


*Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.


But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.


*This is not written by me, its just a beautiful forward that i had to share with you...

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Light vs. Darkness

5:53 AM |

Dark thoughts arise



In the maze of games,

Should one play along?


Whims contradict Goals


Ambition leads...

Drama misleads...

Ambition makes you who you deserve to be,

Drama makes you forget who you were...


Paradigm shifts


Live, not act

Love, don't react...

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To dream or not to dream...

9:40 PM | Labels: ,




















I had a real scary dream this morning, got up at 4:30 am because of it and even considered practicing accounts, just because i didn't wanna go back to sleep!!!

The Dream
After college, the train that was supposed to take me to Vashi, changed direction sometime and took me to Wadala instead... I was perplexed, shocked and confused, was just thinking about calling mom when a child with very hollow eyes, of about 12, tapped me on my arm, he had my phone and said he was calling my mom... I woke up terrified.

I was just wondering what was it that scared me so much?

I was also thinking about what my college counselor told me... She said that i hold the reins too tight around me, that i don't let myself be and asked me to 'give space to myself'. What that basically means is that i scold myself a lot more than even my mom does, so that's a lot! :P

Anyway, i realised what the dream was about and why it scared me more than it would most people...

The train to Vashi going to Wadala instead was representative of the things out of my control affecting my life (i don't like it one bit!) The child having in possession, my cellphone was terrifying because it signified that i had lost control of what should normally be within my grasp.

Now, on hindsight, why wouldn't that be terrifying to a supposed 'control freak' like me! ... And you thought this was about the kid with the hollow eyes lol! ;)

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Mind at work

2:16 AM | Labels: ,

Things are not always what you see them to be, there is always the prospect of deception, you tend to see things the way you want to and the way you believe to be true but not for what it really is. . .

If you see things for what they really are, then you see every being tormented by their demons, everyone appears fallible and vulnerable...

Well, almost everyone... there are always a chosen few who seem so unperturbed by circumstances, people or even by a frothy mixture of both.

These 'always-happy' people are the ones who see things the way they want to, only the way they believe to be true. . .

Then, there are the others who actually see through deceptions and can clearly see reality, but they have seen so much of it already that it doesn't trill them anymore, they see it all but are unaffected, they are NOT happy but 'NUMB'


So how does one get to that place where one isn't deceiving the self, hasn't become numb, but is truly happy...


...



By choosing to see the beauty in the world and in all,
By admiring their beauty and blessing them so their torments go away...
By loving every soul, helping and being there for them always...


Yes, I've found the secret to lasting happiness...

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Sleeping with the enemy?

10:01 AM | Labels: , , , , , , ,


After the Obituary to my dear cellfone, I've bought a new one now...

I know i should be really thrilled that I've found an alternate someone

who can keep all my favorite snapshots
who i can blab my heart out to, until i post it out here
who can remember everything i need to remember
who can utter my thoughts to all those who matter

who can sing to me, sensing my mood

But, then why does it still feel so bad,

as if i am being so insensitive...
as if i am not mourning the loss of my dearly-beloved-one-for-the-past-2-years (my longest such association, am i imagining it or is its metallic substitute for a heart bleeding for me too?)...

as if i am sleeping with the enemy...

I was ready to settle for a lesser substitute you know, but my mum's apparently way too generous :(

I did go to the police station today with the mother for her work.

The place stinks so much, has gruesome photos of mutilated beings, cobwebs all over the dusty registers, lazy policemen who avoid you till their lack-of-dignity allows them to, patchy walkies saying something undecipherable.

So, for obvious reasons, i dropped the idea-i-had-at-the-back-of-the-head.
They failed the test.
I didn't report the loss.

This one's actually better - lighter, sleeker and has all the frills that i would have missed so much.
Not difficult to get used to actually ;)

I'll be okay, dear friends, but pray, just pray that whoever got their filthy hands on it lives a miserable life, dies a terrible death and suffers in hell for all eternity...

Thank you so very much!

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I think, I dream, I wonder and therefore I am...

9:53 AM | Labels: , ,


A twist of fate, a bad day, things going wrong, getting up n the wrong side of the bed... i don't believe in any of these things.


What i do believe in though, is altering the 'twist of fate' into an event that had to occur, find meaning in the loss of time/money/energy/anything that one's too attached to...

Yes, i am trying to come to grips with one such loss, i used to pride myself on being not as dependent on it, as my contemporaries are, but now i guess i was in denial...

Why won't i depend on someone...

who can keep all my favourite snapshots
who i can blab my heart out to, until i post it out here
who can remember everything i need to remember
who can utter my thoughts to all those who matter
who can sing to me, sensing my mood
Its true, i have lost my cellphone and i don't know how to even begin dealing with it.

i tell myself, its better that its gone because...

who needs snapshots to record every other occurence?
when did i really make time and sit down to transfer all the thoughts from the phone to my online dwelling?
the right music is therapheutic, but was also non-existent when required, even having em assorted playlists for all kind of moods weren't all that helpful


Simplistically speaking, the question is -> Can i really live with a phone minus the frills?

i can live without the smapshots, that exposes not only me, but all the other wonderful people recorded on my fone, to malicious intent, when in hands of one without scruples...

i can live without the music, which more often than not, was just noise because it was unable to keep in pace with my change of moods, mostly useful in just shutting out even more undesirabe noise and thoughts-without-immediate-solutions...

i probably can and losing it won't hurt so bad either... i know i will lose the phone i am about to buy too, this isn't pessimism either, its just a cold, hard fact, coming from someone whose just lost her fourth fone...

What i certainly cannot live without is my personal diary, that i could always clutch within my palm...

This is in memory of you, my darling phone...

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