Ann's Abode

Courage is knowing what not to fear.

My perception of me was thus. It shook yesterday, i came to terms with the reality of my existence.

The fact that i am just a fresher sunk in : Inexperienced and raw and that others expect nothing much of me, so i took the liberty of reducing my expectations of myself (finally!).

It did not come at an easy price. Debugging your own programs is never easy and this was years and years of malfunctioned programming that had gone into making me and my Mountain-sized ego.

Everything good that happened to me was a reinforcement of it , while every failure crushed it!

It was either exhilaration or grave depression for me.


That explains my fits when anyone insulted, blood boiled even when i did deserve it.

The Reality check has gotten me to start to actually live in the moment rather than in some fantasy land where i am the Next Bill Gates/Miss Universe/Donald Trump.

i am just anu, a nobody,
someone who might be somebody someday
and i could'nt be there tomorrow, if i was'nt here today so
i am very thankful for being here and for who i am today.

If at all i am proud of being me, it is only of my ability to Debugging my own programming ;)

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.
Oprah Winfrey

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.
Albert Einstein

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
David Frost

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose.
Bill Gates

Failure is success if we learn from it.
Malcolm Forbes

Ask others about themselves, at the same time, be on guard not to talk too much about yourself.
Mortimer Adler

To understand is to perceive patterns.
Isaiah Berlin

Apply yourself both now and in the next life. Without effort, you cannot be prosperous. Though the land be good, You cannot have an abundant crop without cultivation.
Plato

He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age, but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.
Plato

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

To Love and Win is the Best Thing;
To Love and Lose is the Next Best.

For people who understand that, Sawariya is a beautiful movie.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali himself said in one of his interviews that
Unrequited love is his favourite form of love.He believed that, it
was the only way Love lasted forever and that romance begins to fade
when people begin to take their loved ones for granted once in their
hold.

I agree with him in the fact that there is a different beauty in
losing your love as long as you know they are happy.The dull ache in
the heart is something i know i miss when i recover.

Ah! So Great minds do think alike after all. ;)

Its a beautiful picturesque movie, exactly what Hollywood calls a musical.

The breaking into a melodious songs happens for a good reason each
time and not just for the sake of it -> A True rarity in Bollywood,
not just the timely occurence of songs but also the melody contained!

i heard it took 3 years for Monty Singh compose the music, years well
spent i say.
Me thinks whether this one sets the cash registers ringing or not,
it sure has a chance of bringing the coveted Golden statuette home.

He could have easily shown the idyllic picture of the hero and the
heroine walking away in the sunset which the average indian audience
is so accustomed to seeing that every time it does'nt happen,
something in us revolts, Remember Titanic? and scores of other such
movies which makes us want to yell out 'Why did it have it have to end
that way?'


It sure takes guts to defy convention and especially when crores of
rupees are at stake.

I salute the man for having the courage to follow his heart which sure
will give him a sense of pride in his product;
Something even tasting Box office success Bigtime cannot bring if one
has compromised one's product just to make it more commercially viable.

Have a good day
Signing Off,
Ann3004

Trust me, i have enough expertise to write this so i thought i'll share my knowledge, i am finally laughing at myself through this and THAT as far as i know is the first step to moving on ...

U can treat this as a comprehensive guide to WHAT NOT TO DO... enjoy!

1) Get the often repeated Aptitude test paper of the previous years and base all your hopes on it, don't study anything else and Voila! The format gets completely changed for the first time ever exclusively for you!

2)When you hear about negative marking of 0.25 , take extra care about positive marking and mark only the answers which you are certain are correct even if those answers lie in only one section which leads you to exclaim after the paper "oh sh**, is there sectional cut-off?"

3)In the last round after you have been promised the job, when the interviewer (a biggie of a small but very successful company) asks you why you want to leave your previous job say "There is growth, but this branch i am working in is not huge " which leads him to say "My company is also not huge, so that means you'll leave me!"

4) When asked "Where do you see yourself in 3 years ?" say -> Working abroad in the technology you are training me in!

That's all i have for now ... but will surely update this with more of my pearls of wisdom!

Lesson learnt: Complacency does KILL!

Life has always been about ... Win some
Lose some

The Ultimate aim though is -> To Win all
but until then i can keep laughing at myself and yes, u can keep enjoying at my expense! :P

When does one know its time to draw the line?

Is Attachment possible without possessiveness kicking in?

And when it does kick in, what can be done to cure it ... Is mere denial enough? or one has to face facts and harder still ... Face People!

Is it ok to want something? and Hate the world and everything that belongs to it when you don't get what you desire even though you know its illogical as you know you were never meant to get it ...

What if you didn't want to want it ... but now that its gone, you realise u did and miss it being there...

What does one do when one realises one has taken one of life's most precious gifts for granted and now cant bear the thought of losing the spot of prominence in the loved one's life?

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over. So in a series of acts of kindness there is, at last, one which makes the heart run over.

FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES.....HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS!

Heya Pumpkins! i know i have been missing from action for quite a while ... i attribute that to all the perks that come with a gruelling job hunt, deciding where u want to be and then finally settling IN! but then again being the vagabond i am, u never know for how long that is unless i find someplace that just makes me stay with the warm culture, great work ethic and growth prospects. Now cmon' is that too much to ask or am i just hallucinating !

Anyway, what finally prompted me to write is the fact that i was shocked out of my wits and am still in shock actually even though the incident happened yesterday! My cell got stolen THRICE and this time from my bag from (quite literally) under my nose, but to my credit there was no place to move and i don't exactly know when it happened ... Yes, m talking about an unfortunate incident in the local trains of Mumbai!
Talk about being at the wrong place at the wrong time!

Its funny how other people's misfortunes tend to make u feel better, i met a woman while coming today whose pass even got stolen along with her cellphone, since then i am feeling a bit better but not for long until i realized that we had both done the same stupid mistake of leaving it in the front pocket of the purse, so all you dearies reading this BEWARE n BE ON HIGH ALERT lest the same misfortune befall you.

Now m taking ma shell shocked demeanour and getting out of here... Have a good day ... ciao!

When we feel we have nothing left to give
And we are sure that the song has ended
When our day seems over and the shadows fall
And the darkness of night has descended.

Where can we go to find the strength
To valiantly keep on trying,
Where can we find the hand that will dry
The tears that the heart is crying.
There’s but one place to go and that is to God
And, dropping all pretense and pride,
We can pour out our problems without restraint
And gain strength from Him at our side.
And together we stand at life’s crossroads
And view what we think is the end
But God has a much bigger vision
And He tells us it’s only a bend.

For the road goes on and is smoother
And the pause in the song is a rest
And the part that’s unsung and unfinished
Is the sweetest and richest and best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger
Let go and let God share your load
Your work is not finished or ended,
You’ve just come to a bend in the road.

I happened to come across this quote. As I pondered through it … I found it so true!

After all what is love? And why is everyone’s definition of it .. so very different , yeah! You guessed it right .
Because it depends solely upon each one’s imagination as to what each one makes of it!
Phew! I am relieved coz never having been in love is not so bad now ..I am just not imaginative enough :P

I calculated my marks – the way I have never calculated
Found out the marks of every year !
My aggregate has come upto 54.34%
Its not fantastic! But I am satisfied . . .

I asked myself why and got this answer :

Because my aim in these 5 years has never been marks

Marks – I used to forget about it now and then; it was as if I had this ‘Been there done that’ feeling about marks. (I had done well in my 10th , 11th and 12th) so I got bored of scoring (oh yeah that happens to me) … I even get bored of winning and that’s when I know it’s time to change the game .. I have this conquer and move ahead kinda thinking and then I never look back.

But then was I aimless all these years … I think NOT!

I had an aim for which I have scoured all possible articles, read every other magazine and book to get closer to my ideal!

Yess .. my ideal was and has been for a while .. just to shape me .. to artistically create what I want to make of Anu .. my mind is always churning new ways to cross that next road block that stops me from me becoming who I want to be …Which is why I am absolutely sure .. ill get there ...

A good friend of mine had actually told me once that in your race to get somewhere else , it shouldn’t be that you don’t stop and enjoy where you are :)

ohh kats ! how do you know me so well but then again of course you do .. because you are the only person who I actually update when I cross every other ‘road - block’ .. thanks for listening and never mind the ‘u r always saying something ’ attitude of your's ! huh! (winks).

So I am enjoying the ride and cherishing what I have actually achieved in these five years ..

I have achieved a kickass personality , THIS is my GOLD!

I now realise what Self-Motivation is all about . . .

I was travelling to college to study during my preparatory leave for my Semester 8 exams, when i bumped into this school friend of mine. She did seem thrilled to see me bt could/would not talk ..later i realised she could not as she had been practising for her play all of the previous day. . . but there was a serenity about her . . She was happy,satisfied and more importantly Content!

i envied her peace . . .

Soon she got up ,leaned out of the train and started taking pictures of the sun by the sea .

i envied her job. . .

Soon i heard myself rattling on and on to her about how unsure i am about this whole engineering thing and whether i am actually cut out for it .She heard me out patiently and then said you dont know what you are cut out for unless you experience it and rightly enough mugging from books does'nt make for experience as an engineer.

She then said you can be anything you want to be . . but for that you've got to know what you are NOT and what if This is what you want to be .This got me thinking what if i lose out on this 'opportunity ' due to my small- sightedness . . .

I now realise what Self-Motivation is all about . . .

I am more Self-Aware now and don't easily crib about life . . i watch my words now and more importantly my thoughts which is why that smile hardly leaves my face . . .

This must be my most intimate post ever ... deepest thoughts revealed ... darkest questions answered ... life unveiled ... peace finally overflows!!!

I have been searching for the purpose of life since a while now, here's what I found.

The Journey begins here:

According to Hatha Yoga, there are seven chakras in our body situated in areas ranging from the Base of the Spine (1st chakra) to the Upper Brain (7th chakra).

The work "chakra" comes from the Sanskrit language of India and translated, means "wheel." Indians believe the body contains seven main chakras, arranged vertically from the base of the spine to the top of the head. These chakras are thought of as spinning vortexes of energy, thus wheels of light.
Each chakra is associated with particular functions within the body and with specific life issues and the way we handle them, both inside ourselves and in our interactions with the world.
Chakras can be thought of as sites where we receive, absorb, and distribute life energies. Through external situations and internal habits, a chakra can become either deficient or excessive, and imbalanced.
The lower chakras focus on details such as our home, family, and emotions, while the upper chakras focus on the spiritual aspect of our lives. All of the chakras affect one another and work together.
By balancing our chakras, we also balance our lives.
The 7th chakra is located at the crown of the head and serves as the crown of the entire chakra system, symbolizing the highest state of enlightenment.
The function of the 7th chakra is connection with the infinite.

In art, Christ is depicted with a halo around his head. This could represent the awakened spirituality of the 7th chakra.

The element of the 7th chakra is thought/cosmic consciousness/nirvana/Christ consciousness/Krishna consciousness/moksha.

They are all essentially the same thing!

It is the state one is in when one has achieved the 1st chakra of meditation, also called 'Super Consciousness'.

Western culture acknowledges this achievement as the Unity of mind, body and soul.
Any disunity has often led us to say, "I am feeling beside myself".

Try meditating and you will know what I mean … you will get distracted by one thought or the other; even the body might start twitching just because it doesn't want a master. We are usually at war with ourselves, wanting different things at the same time.

In this state of balance, one is said to be able to experience every other being around for miles e.g.: He can even feel the anxiety with which a mound of ants go about their work!!
The same way that God feels and knows all of us . . .

Once in this state he is one with God himself and doesn't ever want to return to the petty turmoil's of the world...This explains how the sadhu's meditate for years on end.

God himself is explained in various religions with the concept of three ---

 Christianity describes him as: The Holy Trinity; The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit, All are different BUT ONE!

 Hinduism describes him as: The Creator Bramha, The Preserver Vishnu and The Destroyer Shiva. All are different BUT ONE!


 Time is Past, Present and Future. All are different BUT ONE!

 Consciousness is Sub Consciousness, Consciousness and Super Consciousness... All are different BUT ONE!

There is nothing but HIM! …There is ONLY Him!

God had created man in his likeness so he could live life through him, which is why we have challenges placed in front of us time and again …so that God can live through everything and experience himself to the fullest. NO! This is no Exaggeration ...the expanse of one mind is so huge ...the shades one person can take are so diverse (There are dark and light shades to every person)... that knowing who one truly is CAN be a challenge!

We have been created by him and for him so that he can experience every possible emotion through us, later we all return to HIM!

But if he is trying to experience life through us ... Why are so many of us trying to become like him by attaining moksha/nirvana /Christ Consciousness/Krishna Consciousness… then

What is this ongoing hunt for spirituality all about anyway?

What we fail to understand is that Life is given to us, only for really living.

We can live it to the fullest only by being true to ourselves.

By being who we are.

By doing only what the Inner voice tells us to do.

[I strongly believe this inner voice is GOD himself as I have got the best solutions often just through introspection or as I like to call it through communication with GOD]

By not dismissing our First instincts (such as give to the poor when your first instinct is to give)...

BY loving first ourselves unconditionally!!! (without any condition just as we are, not a few pounds lighter, not one promotion later) because how can we love others if we don't love ourselves … Else how can we give what we ourselves do not possess?

What we cannot believe is that it's all so simple!

We don't need to bear ourselves … We need to celebrate ourselves!

We need to KNOW that we are Worthy... we need to LIVE...
To love ... To hurt . . . To be happy. . . To be distraught ... Because ‘now' is all there is!

But before that, We decided to go for our own little trip to a land Far,Far away ..

The place was called Arnala ...

It was so pretty the whole way that i realized how much i miss the lush greens n earthy houses of my native land :)

Anand Resort was checked out first but rejected soon because some people with an affinity for Public Loos did'nt find the place good enough then finally lodged in a hotel .. named Green Paradise resort! ..

okay No paradise but green it was!

The room provided us with some wet beds dumped on top of each other with NO MIRROR ..the girls would have gone into SHOCK ..
but i came to the rescue with my shining MIRROR! (Big grin).

But we made the best of it .. (by staying away from the room as much as possible .. unless absolutely necessary!!!)

I realized people were REALLY hungry when i saw them feeding themselves the upma and poha.Upma was utterly clumpy but the i liked the poha(maybe due to the generous presence of potatoes) .

Then it was time to hit the pool .. God bless sandy for being "Oh so careful" and getting an extra bunch of clothing .. giving me an opportunity to take a dip :D where Srividya had clearly mastered the art of floating in water !!!

Everyone of us tried n tried n tried and only sandy succeeded later while Joan just sat pretty n entertained us with her dance routines.

The water got to us after a while and after changing .. we set off for another adventure ..Explored a well ..................BY ENTERING IT!

i thought that was Pretty cool!

It was hilarious when Sri got a call in the well and everyone around went .." I' m Well " while Reef gave some good advice of the form : 'If ur scared , just look down' .

Lunch was had by all hence and this time no one complained except for the hard work that went into finding 'soft puris' .

It was followed by a round of dumb charades; was intended to shake off the lethargia but what really woke us up was the chai and golas later .. Umm .. Anurag won the Gola eating Marathon after eating 7 closely followed by saagar at 6.

As the evening set in .. We began walking toward Arnala Beach ..There was a good attempt at the Baywatch routine ...................by the GUYS!!!!!!!!

After which everyone got emotional and took snaps with their near and dear ones Awww!

So that was it .. everyone goes their own way ..

but ways can always meet ..

paths can surely cross and B.E. Comps shall be together again ..

i can feel it in the air ..

Can hear 'Tireeeeeeeeed' being echoed still .. .. .. .. .. Can you? ;)

i never realized whn we became so close to each other

never realized whn i started sharing my life wid u

never realized whn u started seeming so sweet to me

never realized that the friend i was searching 4 was in u..

whenever i am with you
i get a good feeling inside
you make me feel in love
you make me feel alive

my world is not complete
without you being here
i think about you every second
my love for you is so dear

you are so perfect
you are so fine
your beauty is so great
i almost go blind

i love your looks, smile
and personality too
i love your eyes, your sense of humor
i love you

i really hope our friendship never ever ends
and we see each other later in life
and we will always be friends

MMS !!!!!!!!

i thought i was being soo smart when i made a q bank of all viva q's asked to ppl yest.. but i have'nt had time to prepare those even..
i WAnted to stay up,ok... which i y i was "Dazed" (somewhr between dreaming n studying n sleeping !) till 3 in the morning ..

Exhausted ..tired n confused ...NOT to mention ..FREAKED OUT ...i got up at 6 .. n started receiving calls frm ppl in the same state..
WAT IS IT ABOUT BEING IN THE SAME BOAT THAT IS SOO PEACEFUL..evn if it means ..gettin screweddddd....
oh yes!..dis ws da 2nd time i was going for a viva totally unprepared .. n the last time.. I FAILED!!

So decided to head to collg.. mayb i would actually grasp some knowledge der.. the idea REALLY was to make some smarty who knows everythin ..to explain!

But no one was any better dan the othr ..
and imagine ma surprise when i was asked the same questions i had soo comprehensively created! (He DID try to confuse me but i successfully screwed up his concepts on the same ... The MAGIX of confidence ;) )

:D

M thrilled!!

n m soooooooooo happy that these Viva thingies have ended for me on a good note :D

Today was some day ...
Starting with realizing that i am going to be the first person to go in for the viva to face none other than the EXTERNAL! (well,that has happened before for Dsp ..n tht was'nt soo bad ! ;) .. so i went with the attitude that FIRST does'nt havta be the WORST! :P )

n surprisingly enough,he turned out to be reaallly decent !(as in ...wasnt judgemental or too critical ... n din't give you the most hateful head shake that implies ..Y! God ,Y am i here!!!)
so was grateful to him for that n moreover,when i started BLUFFING (changing the topic ),he subtly brought me to task saying...m not answering HIS Question!
hehehe..

Unlike the internal who could'nt take it anymore and burst out laughing sayin..
I quote..
"U r shooting arrows in the dark... ki chalo kucch toh lag jaye!!! "...Hahahaha.. ROFLMAO!

somehow handled the situation by befriending him n asking .. But,sir How come ive not hrd of dis topic...whr ws it?.. :P

All in all... ma bluff got caught both times .. n realized all profs r not sooo DumB!

(m nervous bout tomm .. considering the kinda q's da MMS external 's asking ppl .. its nuthin frm da book!!.. but tht's a good thing i guess ..cz i know nuthin frm the book YET.. Huh!
so ran about n made this question bank kinda thing,comprising q's of all ppl were asked 2day! .. Hope it helps..)

Alysson Hannigan s so cute!...she was the 'Dark Willow' of Buffy and is the ' ohh! so adorable ' wats her name in When i met your mother!!!
n by da way ...that show s Hilarious!
n actually thot of her coz i needed a new name for my blog..dis tumultuous mind thing s makin g me look like a freak!
so out with... Inner Ramblings of ma tumultuous mind!
n here comes... ahem ahem... Thoughts of Lady Ann !

I was walking by your lane
my heart was in your thoughts.
saw you running towards me
wearing a white robe
my face started glowing with a smile
but that moment did not stay for ever
you vanished with the air
I realized that I was dreaming
I fell down on my knees
pain and agony in my heart
I m still longing for that day
the day that lies in the past!!!!!


I was sleeping in my bed
your thoughts became my dream.
I saw you staring into my eyes
and I was staring back at yours
I saw the entire world in your eyes
but you vanished as my eyes opened
I got up from my dream
the world that was so beautiful through your eyes
has no meaning for me now
pain and agony in my heart
i am still longing for that day
the day that lies in the past!!!!!!

I was talking on the phone
your dream became my delusion.
I heard you telling me I Love you
I was crying out of joy
there was felicity in my voice
I could feel your face in front of me
but you vanished just as your sound
your face in front of me was long gone
pain and agony in my heart
i m still longing for that day
the day that lies in the past!!!!!


I was walking on a quiet lane
your delusion became my vision.
you held my hand and i felt your warmth
I felt the warmth of your love flowing through my body
I embraced you tight I didnt want you to go
but still you vanished like everytime
I fell down on my knees
pain and agony in my heart
I m still longing for that day
the day that lies in the past

At “yet another crossroad” of life’s journey
I walked into a stranger who joined me in the odyssey of life.

Days went by....Time ticked it’s way through weeks,months and years as I trod life’s tortuous and unpredictable avenues never realizing the subtle presence of this cohort-my fellow traveler.

This span of time is all but a collection of moments-

Moments of your vanity...Moments of my consuming ego

Moments when I hurt you...Moments when you annoyed me

Moments when we differed...Moments when we conformed

Moments when you spoke...Moments when i listened

Moments when I didn’t speak...Moments when you still listened

Moments of laughing together..Moments when we remained silent

Moments when distances crept in..Moments when intimacy erased them

Moments when I comforted you...Moments when you understood me

Moments when you complained...Moments when I apologized

Moments when I asserted...Moments when you acknowledged

Pain inflicted,heart broken,sorrows lived,failures engulfed,existence torn apart,integrity interrogated,hopes crushed....but yet my heart bears no complains to GOD and LIFE who have endowed me with a

“A FRIEND LIKE YOU”

frustrated...confused...may be i should have joined classes for everything,
then no cribbing no nuthing...could have just taught a bunch of people and gotten my way out of this HELLL! ...there would have been no nervousness as to...wat is goin to happen!!!
so my mom was rite!...but my pride will kill me before i admit it to HER! :P
itz crazzy... left me feelin lk ...m in a crisis situation!
20 days ...5 vivas n den papers where i am supposed to score at least a 63%!
but m sure ill rise above the odds...jus gotta live it through ...n keep striving!
feelin bttr already!
:-)

know what! .. got it ... i finally put the pieces of ME together :D
I am so happy!
ya ya.. it din't just strike me...i read an article that lead me through

its coz i m a High maintenance woman!..n stop smirkin coz that's not such a bad thing!
High maintenance means being fussy n being fussy means having standards n the last time i checked ..that was'nt such a bad thing ;)
The only ppl who see low maintenance as a good thing r those who want to give less without feelin guilty!

its lk...all making sense..y m so particular about the way i look?..y i BLUFF to da xternals? (ref prev blog :P)

(smiling) n hopefully at peace nw ..4 a while at least ..
so till ma mind goes into overdrive again!...
ciao..

So ill just go crazy den... ;)

My confused mind is screaming out in absolute abandon...all it needs is some help!!
help...not of da advice variety ..help of da tight slap variety!... I am not gettin around to just FOCUS!

I realized tht i believe ...i can BULLSHIT ma way through anything...be it Vivas..or written exams or speeches!..as in..like...I believe in confusing and intimidating others enough so that dey think u knw wat ur talking about ..when dats soooooo not da case :P

mayb i dun bliv dey r smart nough 2 catch ma bluff.. or i jus dun bliv in maself nough 2 give da REAL moa!
dunno wat it is...as i said ...HELP!
neway,
enough blabbin' 4 2day !!
ciao ..